Tabitha Stevens Official Blog

The Comedian

I believe it was around the year 1994 when the mega hit movie ‘The Mask’ was out in movie theatres. The movie starred actor/comedian Jim Carey and new comer at the time, blonde bombshell Cameron Diaz. It was such a funny and colorful film. The film even helped boost the sale of Jack Russel Terrier dogs  (you’d have to watch the movie to understand why). I was a big fan of the movie, so a few years later there was no question to wether or not I wanted to meet one of the films actors, who was also a famous stand up comedian, Richard Jeni (he played Jim Carey’s friend who worked as a clerk with him at a bank in the movie). Richard was performing in Las Vegas at the Sahara Hotel and Casino. I had received a phone call from my very good friend Ron Jeremy telling me that Richard (whom I had spoken to once before on the phone while he was hanging out with Ron) was in town and wanted to invite me to his comedy show. I thought it would be fun to go to the show and told Ron that I would love to see Richard’s show and asked him to have Richard give me a call to go over details of when and where to pick up my show ticket. An hour or so later Richard gave me a call and was excited that I was coming to see him perform. I asked him if it was okay to bring my sister and her (at the time) husband along with me and he kindly said yes. He told me where to go to pick up the tickets and asked that we come to his second show of the night.

I figured that since Richard was so nice to invite me, my sister and her hubby to his show that the least that I could do was bring him a gift bag with two of my latest porn videos in it. Don’t most men love the gift of porn? I wanted my sister and her hubby to come to the show with me because at the time I had been separated from my second husband and was living at their house and thought it would be a nice gesture to give them a little thanks for having me stay with them.  We were all excited to go and I had a feeling that we would meet up with Richard after the show and they could meet him.

We got to the box office and picked up our VIP tickets. Upon entering the venue we were escorted to our seats. Our FRONT ROW seats. I figured that Richard would hook it up and boy did he. Our seats were literally touching the stage. It was pretty dam cool. Bonus points for Richard! That put the three of us in an even better mood then we were already in. Add the two cocktails each to the mix and we were the jolliest people on the planet at that moment. I was starting to build a name for myself in the porn business and now my good name was starting to pay off. I had a famous comedian invite ME to his show. How cool was that?

The comedian who went up before Richard did a skit on porn. My sister and I thought that maybe he recognized me in the audience and that was why he was making jokes about porn. We were laughing our heads off. After he finished up his jokes he walked right over to our front row table and commented on pretty I was and asked me what my name was. I told him my name was Kelly. He introduced me to the rest of the audience and then he went on to tell some other jokes. After his act finished up it was time for the king of the evening to perform. Richard and I had never formally met and I wondered if he would recognize me. He walked onto the stage with such confidence. It was sexy to me in a way. He wasn’t as tall as I thought he would be but he was handsome. He gazed around the front row before he spoke and then we locked eyes. Yep, he knew it was me. My sister and I once again laughed at how I was the ’special guest’ of the comedy show that evening. Richard had the audience in tears with his hysterical jokes. I would blush every time he would walk over and stand right in front of me. He knew that he had me right where he wanted me, wanting more of Richard Jeni.

At the end of the show I got a call on my cell phone from Richard backstage. He wanted to meet me, my sister and her husband at his hotel room suite in a half an hour. This way he could rush up to his suite and freshen up to greet us after his great performance. We wanted to meet him too so we took our time leaving the venue. Now tell me this isn’t weird, as we exit the theatre, in the crowd in front of us was our Aunt P and Uncle E. They were fans of Richard and were sitting in the balcony section. They too really enjoyed the show and had thought that it was us sitting up front of the stage. It was a dead giveaway once the comedian before Richard asked me what my name was. My aunt was bragging to the people sitting next to her that I was her niece. That was pretty flattering to me. I had no idea if my aunt and uncle knew that I was a porn star. Of course my immediate family knew but I wasn’t about to brag about my sex filled career to the rest of the family. That was a little to weird to me. There was no need for me to tell them them anything about my career that night but my sister in her tipsy state of mind blurted out that she thought the first comedian knew I was a porn star and that’s why he told porn jokes and then she opened up her big purse to show aunt P and uncle E that she was carrying two of my porn movies to give to Richard. I was so embarrassed. I just smiled, hugged our aunt and uncle and excused ourselves so we could meet up with Richard. It turns out that my aunt and uncle already knew about my budding porn career and they were super cool about it.

We headed over to the elevators. I was a nervous wreck. We got into the elevator and I couldn’t stop laughing. I felt like a teenage girl. I had a good feeling that I wouldn’t be going home that night with my sister. In the hall as we walked to Richard’s suite I told my sister that I was probably going to spend the night hanging out with Richard. We had to make some sort of a plan of who was going to pick me up from the hotel the next morning because we all took one car. It was a little strange having that conversation with my sister and her hubby but I wasn’t going to lie about where I wanted to be. The plan was made and I rang the door bell to Richard’s suite.

Richard opened the door and let us in. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a nice button down shirt and a pair of jeans. He looked cleaned and refreshed. Richard introduced to himself to my sister and her hubby and gave me a big hug. He asked us what our plans were for the rest of the evening and my sister and her husband said that they needed to head home because they had to go to work the next morning. Richard quickly glanced over at me. I told him that I’d love to hang out with him if he didn’t mind. Of course he didn’t mind! What single horny man would mind if a hot porn star wanted to hang out with him all night? Well maybe a gay one . Richard smiled and together we walked my sister and her husband out the door and said good night and good bye. My sister left with my two porn tapes in her purse. I forgot to have her give them to me before we went into Richard’s room. Party foul on my part.

His suite was huge. The decor was a little out dated looking, mainly because the Sahara was considered to be an older hotel on the Strip. He had a living room, a dining room, a guest bathroom and his large bedroom with master bath. His view of the strip was stunning. The Sahara really knew how to treat their celebrity guest performers with such nice hotel accommodations. Richard asked if I was hungry. I knew that he had to be after his high powered performance so I agreed to have some dinner with him. Then came the question which would seal the deal. “Would you like to go to a restaurant for dinner or would you rather have room service?” he asked. I answered “whatever you want to do is fine with me”. He handed me the room service menu and as I was reading my dining options while sitting on the couch he began kissing the back of my neck. He smelled so good and was giving my entire body goose bumps. I was getting so turned on by him that I could barely read the menu. I pulled away from him for a minute giggling and told him that we needed to order up some food right away. He then sat next to me and read the menu with me. We decided on club sandwiches and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. After he place the phone order we began kissing each other. It wasn’t long before his hands were all over my body. Time must have flown by pretty quickly while were making out  because the waiter was at the door ringing the bell with our room service. I ran into the bedroom for I was now topless and didn’t want to be disrespectful to the waiter. Right after the waiter left I walked into the living room and jumped onto the couch topless. Together Richard and I ate our club sandwiches. We each probably had two bites  of our food before heading over to the bedroom.

Since I was already topless I insisted that Richard take his shirt of as well. He couldn’t get his shirt off fast enough. In fact not only did his shirt come off at lightning speed but so did his pants. Dam, he beat me to the punch. He pulled me towards him and began kissing me very passionately. I pulled away from him and kneeled on the ground taking his penis into my hands and then put it in my mouth. If there was anything that I was great at, it was at giving oral sex. He enjoyed it almost to much. He kept pulling my head away from his throbbing penis. Within 10 minutes of me giving him oral sex he picked me up and threw me on top of the bed. My pants were still on but not for long. This guy was not only a comedic pro but he was also a pro at taking off tight jeans. I stood up on the the bed while he unzipped my skin tight jeans and then wiggled them off of me. I  started jumping up and down on the bed for him to try and take me down. It was pretty funny actually. He caught me by my tiny waist and began kissing my very large silicone breasts. SLAM! Down on my back I went. He reached into his night stand for a condom, ripped open the package  and rolled that sucker on his erect penis. Richard was in total control and I let him have it that way. We had rough steamy sex in three positions. First I was on my back as he pounded me and then I bent over so he could smack my tight ass as he thrust himself deep inside of me. He came to a big climax as I was once again on my back. That was some hot and heavy sex.

Right after sex I went into the bathroom and grabbed a hand towel and rubbed some soap on it then ran the towel under warm water so I could clean up Richard’s mess . The clean up was complete and afterward we lay cuddling in bed. We were exhausted. An hour had passed but I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to spend the rest of the night with him. Being that I was not a shy person, I asked him if it were okay if I stayed over. He said that I was more than welcome to spend the rest of the night with him and that in the morning we could  call up for some room service. I felt very comfortable being around Richard. In fact I became to comfortable around him in.

We were so wiped and the bed was so comfortable. We passed out hard. I must have slept for a solid 5 hours before I was awakened by this really loud noise that shook the entire bed. The noise frightened me so much that I sat up right holding my heart. Richard didn’t move a muscle. What the hell could that have been I thought to myself. Then I realized how bloated my stomach was and I knew right away that the magnitude 7.8 Las Vegas earthquake was really a giant fart that had escaped my ass. I was way beyond embarrassed. There is no way that Richard didn’t hear or feel that gas bomb.Who knows, maybe he thought that he laid that massive fart and he pretended that nothing happened. I could handle the pressure. I snuck out of bed and called my sister’s husband and asked him to come and pick me up from the hotel as quickly as he could. After I hung up with him I quietly tip toed into the bedroom to grab my clothes. I snuck out of the bedroom and got dressed in the living room. Right after I put myself together I found a pad of paper and a pen and left Richard a very nice note thanking him for inviting us to his show and for the super fun evening. I went back into the bedroom, put the note on his night stand and whispered good bye into his ear. He woke up and seemed confused as to why I was rushing out. I told him that I needed to get back home then I kissed his forehead and left the room.

I kind of blew him off after that. I felt like a total idiot. I couldn’t face this man again knowing that I almost blew up his hotel suite with my master blaster ass. It wasn’t till about six months later that I finally took a call from him. We talked for a bit and he once again invited me to another one of his shows in Vegas. I declined and we still spoke to each other every now and again. In 2007 Richard had passed away. I had heard on the news that Richard had been fighting severe clinical depression and  committed suicide. This made me very sad. He was a great guy with a great sense of humor. I am very grateful that I got to spend time with such a wonderful and funny man. May Richard Jeni Rest in Peace.

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Before Porn

Circa 1991 (me being 21 years old). I had recently split up with the first boyfriend that I ever lived with. It was a bad breakup and at the time I was working at a tanning salon making a little more than minimum wage. I would do bikini contests for extra cash. One day while visiting with my mom I asked her what I should do to make extra money. she suggested that I take on a cocktail waitress job at one of the hotels on the Las Vegas strip. I told her that I had thought of that idea already. I told my mother that I knew a girl that was a cocktail waitress at a strip club who made lots of money. My mom said that it couldn’t hurt to try out cocktailing at a place like that  to see if I even wanted to be a cocktail waitress. A plan was then made. A couple of days later on my day off from the tanning salon I went down to this dive strip club to see about getting a job as a cocktail waitress. This club was called ‘The Crazy Horse’. I was so nervous about going into the strip club by myself. When I opened the heavy front door  of the club a very large black man greeted me. He ended up becoming a famous wrestler years later. Anyway, I asked him who I could talk to about getting a job as a cocktail waitress. He said that they weren’t hiring cocktail waitresses at that time. I was kind of bummed but wanted to check out the strip club. He walked me to the bar which was right next to the main stage to check it out. The club was pretty dark, wreaked of alcohol and the DJ was playing some hard rock. It was such a fun place to hang out at. As I looked around the club I could see girls and their customers sitting on these leather benches along the walls of both sides of the club with giant black stripper poles in front of them. It wasn’t long before the manger of the club came over to me and introduced himself to me. His name was ‘J’. He was a super nice guy. He too explained to me that they were not hiring cocktail waitresses at that time but if I was interested in stripping they could hire me right away. He gave me the tour of the entire club and introduced me to most of the girls who were working. All of the girls were so nice. I asked him if I did decide to dance, if it would be okay for me to work in the afternoon to better understand how the whole stripper thing worked. He said yes. He then took me into the office and pulled out a schedule of the days and times that I could work. After gazing at the schedule I decided to become a stripper. Now I had taken 14 years of dancing school and kind of, sort of danced around in a sexy way wearing a bikini for  bikini contests at local night clubs so how hard could stripping really be? Boy was my mom going to be proud of me!

I chose to work on my days off from the tanning salon. I remember the feeling of total excitement as I walked into the dressing room for the first time. I brought a few bikini’s with me and high heels. As I looked around me in the dressing room I noticed how some of these ladies looked in the bright light. Here I was, 21 years old, new boob job, long blonde hair and very skinny. These ladies were pushing their thirties and not in the best physical shape. They were super sweet though. I remember getting dressed into one of my bikini’s and wearing a pair of cut off shorts and going over to the DJ booth to give him my list of three songs to get topless to. I can’t lie, I was very nervous but I also felt very comfortable at the same time. “Okay guys let’s put your hands together for our new dancer Kelly” the DJ blurted out over his microphone. Butterflies in the belly time was now upon me. I took a deep breath and walked up the two steps to the very large stage and started dancing. I did more dancing than I did stripping. Hey, I was a newbie how was I supposed to know when exactly to take my top off? Well on the last song it came off and the entire 7-13 customers clapped and whistled. I felt great afterward and couldn’t stop smiling. It was commented to me by one of my bosses that I was ‘the diamond in the coal mine’. I was flattered by the comment but I didn’t want any trouble from the other dancers. I just wanted to have fun, dance and make money. I wasn’t in it for the alcohol or for making some guy break his bank account. I was in no way a hustler either. I had more fun just dancing on the stage to glam rock and heavy metal (Metallica, Megadeth,Motley Crue, Cinderella, Slaughter) and then going to what was called the ‘pit’ area after I danced on stage to dance in front of the customers and collect tips. Because of my looks I made good money in the pit. The ladies quickly accepted me after they learned that I was unlike them with their super hustler abilities. I was hardly a threat in that department. One afternoon my boss Gino called me into the office and yelled at me. For weeks he had told me to have customers take me to the leather bench area and have the customer buy me the clubs over priced champagne bottle. I just couldn’t get myself to do that. It felt weird and seemed pushy as far as I was concerned. Well needless to say Gino made me cry. I was bawling. How could I possibly screw up being a stripper? Gino didn’t say that I was a screw up but I felt like I was. I told Gino that maybe stripping wasn’t for me and that I should go home. As I was about to walk out the office door to pack up my belongings Gino called me back inside of he office. He apologized and handed me a hundred dollar bill and asked that I try to get a customer every once in a while to go to the leather benches and buy me a bottle of expensive champagne. I hugged Gino, wiped my tears and told him that I would try to do my best to have a customer buy me a bottle. Wouldn’t you know that the next afternoon a customer asked for a private dance and bought a bottle of champagne for us. To this day I wonder if Gino put the customer up to it.

I started to get brave. The afternoon shift was great but I wanted to try working weekend nights. The girls who typically worked the night shift were prettier and younger than the girls that worked the afternoon shift. There were also triple the amount of girls that worked at night. Still, I wasn’t a hustler and the night shift girls took a liking to me because I wasn’t trying to steal their customers. I danced, stripped off my top and made my money and went straight home after work. My schedule became very open after I quit the tanning salon. I decided to work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday night and Saturday night. I took off every other Sunday night and off  on Mondays. I am so glad that I kept my afternoon shifts. One day while I was on stage I looked over at the bar and standing there was Mike Tyson and a few of his friends just hanging out talking with my day time manager. I suddenly got real nervous as all of them turned to watched me dance. I was a big Tyson fan as a teenager and there he was in the club that I danced at watching me dance. After I danced the pit area I went to the office and knocked on the door. I wanted to meet Mike Tyson. I could hear all kinds of chatter and laughter. Then the door swung open. All eyes were on me. I felt like a piece cheese at a mouse convention. I became speechless. Gino broke my silence for me and introduced to Mike and his friends. Mike was wearing leather overalls without a shirt. He was a very polite and handsome man. We all talked for about 15 minutes and then I excused myself. I went back to the dressing room and told the ladies who were in there that I couldn’t believe that Iron Mike Tyson was here at the club. They laughed at me and said that he was a regular guest to the club and that our manager J was really good friends with him. The ladies were right, Mike frequented the club and whenever I was there working he would have me come over to the leather bench section and hang out with him. We would talk about his training and giggle at some of the dancers that were sloppy drunk and would fall down on and off the stage. He was just a cool guy to be around. A couple of times he brought his trainer in with him. His trainer Richie and I became good friends. Richie would take me to the gym where he and Mike trained. We’d go out to dinner and he would tell me stories about the world of boxing and Mike’s investment in dairy farms. Interesting stuff. When Mike had a Vegas fight I had a ticket where the press got to sit. It was so surreal. Richie was awesome. I started taking an extra day off a week to hang out with Richie. There was one thing that I did not know about Richie until one late morning when I came by Richie’s apartment to go to breakfast. There was this blanket rolled into a giant ball on the couch. I jumped on it, knowing very well that Richie was underneath it. WRONG! It wasn’t Richie, it was his twin brother Bobby. I scared the crap out of him. Poor guy didn’t know what the hell was going on. Either did I. Here’s this guy asking me who I was and there I was thinking that Richie was playing some kind of a crazy joke on me. Finally Bobby told me who he was and we both went into Richie’s room and woke him up. Richie couldn’t stop laughing. Soon my new friends would be going back to Ohio and I would be going back to my regular work schedule. I didn’t mind though. I really enjoyed my job.

It was soon time for me to move to the new club  that my boss was opening up called ‘Cheetah’s’. It quickly became the hottest club to be working at. It was more of an upscale gentlemen ’s club. The Crazy Horse was still open and running but could not even come close to competing with Cheetah’s. There were TONS of girls who worked there. They were really pretty too. Still, I wasn’t a threat to these seasoned strippers because the gift of hustling was never given to me. I was the girl whose picture appeared on the VIP card to the club as well my picture being blasted all over the back of taxi cabs throughout Las Vegas. I didn’t need to hustle. Guys wanted to meet the ‘girl on the card’. My schedule became a night time schedule. The club was always packed on the weekends. I didn’t really enjoy working when the club was that packed though. All types of men came to this club. Mostly men who were well dressed. Some of them seemed real stuffy and I would gravitate towards the the guys who were less uptight looking. Then for the first time as a stripper I met a really good looking guy at the club who later became my boyfriend and that I moved in with. It was a short lived relationship. I am going to spare us all of the boring details and get to the point. He liked the money that I was making and sharing with him. I felt like I was getting taken advantage of so I dumped him and moved out. Plain and simple. I moved back into my parents house. I had no choice. I just needed to get out of that situation fast. Of course my parents knew that I was a full on stripper and they were totally cool about it.

I became friends with these two girls at work, Amber and Jade. They were really cool and I needed to have some girlfriends to just hang out with after work. Amber and I were about the same size with both our height and weight. Jade was a fitness model type. She was bad ass. People would mistake Amber and I for each other  at the club all of the time. Guys were asking her if she was the girl on the VIP card. We would even dance together on stage. We made up this story that we were sisters that had been separated as children and we found each other again at the strip club. Yeah it was a far fetched story but it was pretty funny to hear people’s reactions to our little story. Then came my first news braking story. I went to San francisco with a guy that I was seeing and right after I got home I got a phone call from Amber telling me that the television show ‘A Current Affair’ wanted to do a story on Amber and I and how we searched for each other for years and finally found each other at the strip club. I couldn’t believe it! This was a total lie. I asked Amber how this came about and she told me that while I was in San Fran that these guys came into the club and wanted to meet the girl on the VIP card. The bouncer then told these nice gentlemen that I wasn’t there but my ’sister’ was. Amber said that she had no idea who these guys were at the time and started telling them our made up story. the next thing she knew they gave her their card and told her to have us call them. They found our story to be unbelievable and interesting. Sure it was interesting because it WAS unbelievable~ we made the whole thing up!

After a few discussions Amber and I decided to go forward with our make believe story. We were a little scared though. What if they did a background check on us and found out that we weren’t related.  We gave this guy George a call and set up a meeting. We had a meeting and went over the shots they would need for the show and that they wanted to shoot this story right away. They never even asked us for our last name. We decided to go for it . As this whole thing was going down I met this really cool guy ‘V’ who came into the club one early evening. He was tall, had brownish hair almost down to his shoulders, beautiful blue/green eyes and a large nose (I am a total sucker for big noses). V also had a Harley davidson Motorcycle. Now that to any young stripper was hot as hell! He and I  talked for a long while at the club and then exchanged phone numbers. We called each other the next day and soon enough V and I went on dates. I really liked this guy. He was funny, handsome and dare devilish  (bunjee jumping and all that kind of stuff). So as I started dating V, Amber and I began filming for A Current Affair. I didn’t want to use my real name so for television I changed it to Victoria (the letter V in honor of my V named guy).

It only took a few days to film Amber and I. They had us re-inact our meeting each other  for the first time since we were children at a bus stop. They even had me provide baby pictures of Amber and I (I used pictures of my sister and I when we were kids). Our final day of shooting was at Cheetah’s where Amber and I dressed in matching sequined bras and panties dancing around a stripper pole. The show aired weeks later and my family cracked up. We all couldn’t believe that this silly made up story was on television. The next day my godmother called my mom in a bit of a panic asking her if I had found my birth mother and just found out that I had a sister too. My godmother obviously watched the show. I was so embarrassed. My mom let her know that it was a made up story and that I had no intention of looking for my birth mother. My godmother thought it was a pretty funny story. The show was a hit. We were even a bigger hit at the club. Everyone wanted to meet the sisters from A Current Affair, Victoria and Amber.

Work was pretty busy but I needed a break. V called and asked me if I wanted to go to Los Angeles with he and his friends. They were going on ‘The Love Ride’ which is a biker event that takes place in LA. I was willing and ready.  We drove down to LA with his friend ‘K’  with the bikes in the back of K’s big Ford truck. We all had a blast on the Love Ride. I even saw Billy Idol being dragged by his body guards out of the event (he was piss ass drunk). Who knew then that I would befriend Billy later on in my life. Back to V and K. I felt bad for K because while everyone else had a chick on the back of their bike he didn’t. He was a short  and very handsome guy. By short I mean under the average height of 5′8-5′10. Nonetheless K was super fun to be around and he had some kind of an aire about him. K didn’t have a girl with him because his girlfriend at the time was living in the Bahamas. She was a female impersonator and had a gig singing as Madonna at some resort. But still, I felt sorry for K being the odd man out. I would always make an effort to go over and talk to K when he was just standing around by himself.

It was well over a month since the Love Ride and Amber and I had an offer to dance at the opening of ‘Stringfellows’ Gentlemen’s club in New York City. Amber had previously danced at this chain of strip (Michael j. Peters who had teamed up with Peter Stringfellow) clubs so she was the person responsible for us being able to dance at the grand opening of this lavish club. I really liked V but I had to make a living and thought that it would be fun to go back to NY and to experience the strip club scene on the East Coast. I told V that for his christmas present I was going to fly him to New York to spend Christmas with me. He had never been to NY before and I was super excited to bring him there~ I’m sure that he was excited too. In the next week to follow I headed out to New York.

This had to be one of the most beautiful strip clubs that I had ever been to. It was once a popular night club that was turned into a very upscale gentlemen’s club with a five star restaurant inside the club. There were HUNDREDS of beautiful girls who came from other clubs all over the USA to dance there. I just couldn’t believe how awesome this club was. All the staff that worked in the club and even the DJ had to wear tuxedos. With all those sexy women came TONS of men with TONS of money to spend. I couldn’t believe how much money I made in my first week there. No need to hustle either. Right after I would get off the main stage I would be getting requests for dances. Amber made way more money than I. She WAS a hustler and she was a pro. But I was very content with the money that I was making. Celebrities like David Lee Roth (whom I got a standing ovation from after I danced to a Van Halen song on the main stage), singer and song writer Babyface and even Robert DeNiro frequented the club. This club did have strict rules though. the dancers had to wear evening gowns or very fancy dresses, beautiful hair and makeup, being on time for work was a MUST and when we would do a lap dance for a costumer we had to dance (more like wiggle) on these round wooden pedestal things . The men couldn’t touch you and you couldn’t touch the men. It was so bizarre. But hey, the rules were the rules and I followed them.

Christmas was right around the corner. I was getting so excited to see V. Amber’s boyfriend ‘D’  was coming out to NY for the Holidays too. V and D flew out to NY together. I came up with this sexy plan, we should pick up our guys in a giant limo wearing ONLY our brand new leather trench coats and high heeled shoes. She was in. So when our men arrived to the airport there we were in our trench coats and heels. Being that it was winter the guys had no idea that we were naked underneath our coats. After getting their luggage we took them out to our limo and they were shocked. What really shocked V was that I opened my coat and gave him a peek at what I ‘wasn’t’ wearing. He liked that. I felt like a rebel, a dirty rebel . As I later found out, Amber kind of chickened out. She was NOT naked under that trench coat of hers. She opted for a black bra and panty set. Yeah, I was the rebel alright. On opposite sides of this stretch limo were two very happy couples totally making out with each other. What a perfect way for V to arrive to New York!

Amber and I shared  room at this hotel that the club put us up at. We had two queen beds. It wasn’t a very big room but hey, it was free. So the four of us shared this room. We all got along very well. When Amber and D would go out, V and I would do our ‘business’. I’m sure that when V and I left to walk around the city that Amber and D were doing their ‘business’. We all respected each other’s privacy.

On Christmas Eve I took V to my meet my grandparents. They lived in College Point NY which was right outside the city. We got in a cab and we were on our way. We spent two nights with them at their house. I couldn’t believe that my grandmother let V and I sleep in the same bed. My grandmother was a church going woman and I thought for sure that she would have us in separate bedrooms because we were only boyfriend and girlfriend. Boy was I surprised. She cooked us dinner and then we all hung out in the small living room and talked . Later  V and I walked down to a local restaurant/bar  (called The Four Corners) that my dad went to when he was a young man. The bartender even remembered my father. We had a nice time talking and drinking. I got so drunk! Now we walked in the snow, in the freezing cold to get to the bar that was at the most four blocks away. Somehow on our way back to my grandparents house we got lost. I’m not sure how long it took us to get back but it was getting late. I felt so horribly knowing that we were going to wake my grandparents up when we got to the house. I was so drunk and tried so hard to keep my composure when my grandmother answered the door to let us in. She asked us if we had a good time, I told her yes and I said good night then we darted upstairs to bed. The next morning she made us breakfast and woke us up. I was very hungover. She knew it too. I couldn’t live with the guilt so I told her that I drank to much wine and that’s why I ran upstairs to bed. She just laughed and said “that’s what your father did every time he would come home drunk from that bar” “he would just say good night and go straight to bed”. We all laughed at that story. I very much enjoyed spending time with my grandparents and having them meet V. They seemed to really like him.

I was becoming very sad because in a few days V would be going home and I was going to miss him terribly. Before I knew it he was on a plane heading back home to Las Vegas. I went back to work at the club and a few days later I got homesick.

Not to long after I had these feelings I returned home to Vegas and stayed with my parents. I went back to Cheetahs to dance and got to spend time with V. My other girl friend Jade wanted to try out the NY club, so a week or so later I was off once again to NY.  There was good money to be made in NY and I thought it would be a nice change for Jade to try out this club. V and I were still dating and spent as much time as we could together before I left again.

The trip back to NY wasn’t as fun as my first trip. Amber became really weird about making lots of money and wasn’t to thrilled about Jade being there with us. Amber’s attitude was pretty shitty towards Jade even though we were all friends. I’m not sure if Amber had something to do with it but one of the managers called Jade into the office and said that she wasn’t a ‘Stringfellows’ type of a dancer and they asked her to go home. I couldn’t believe it. How shitty of them to do that to Jade. She was beautiful. Jades feelings were very hurt. I felt horrible for her. She left the following morning to go home to Vegas. A couple of nights later a guy  came in and showered me with lots of money while I was on one of the stages.  Amber got pissed that I didn’t pass him along to her after I danced on stage. I had no idea that she wanted me to tell this nice guy who just threw hundreds of dollars at me to go and toss over more money to her. I’m not a mind reader and personally that’s not how I operate. If she wanted him to give her money, being the intense hustler that she was, then she should have asked him for a dance or something. Well Amber started running her mouth in the club calling me an ungrateful bitch and giving me major attitude. I was flat out pissed. Especially since Jade had just been sent home the days before. I went downstairs to the dressing room and there was Amber taking my stuff out of her locker ( we would swap dresses so she had a couple of my dresses in her locker). She gave me such a dirty look and began raising her voice in such a nasty tone to me. I told her that she better shut the fuck up or I would take her by the hair and rub her face up and down the locker slots like cheese on a cheese grater. Yeah, that’s how angry I was. I was crying and shaking. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I was inches away from taking this snobby bitch down. What a nasty, money hungry bitch. I gathered my belongings then went to the manager of the club’s office and told him that I was going back home to Vegas. He was really cool and apologized for Amber’s behavior towards me. I went back to the hotel that Amber and I shared, packed up my stuff and headed to the airport. I didn’t care that I had to spend the rest of my night at the airport. I just wanted to stay away from that evil asshole.

Later that morning I was back in Vegas and so happy to be home. I didn’t want to stay at my parents so Jade let me rent a bedroom in her apartment that she shared with her boyfriend ‘J ‘. Right after I moved in with Jade I noticed that V was kind of blowing me off. We didn’t talk on the phone as much and he didn’t spend the night with me as much as he could have. Something was up. I am the kind of person that doesn’t like to ‘guess’ what’s going on with a relationship. It’s either yeah we are doing great or no it’s not working out. Well V hurt his wrist and I asked him to spend the night. He came over and we talked a little bit and then he wanted to take a shower. I felt like he didn’t want to be around me. I finall asked him what was going on with us. He said that he wasn’t sure. He needed time to think about us. Well I took that as goodbye and we argued and he left my place. I was so sad and so confused.

A few days went by without me hearing a word from him. I was sick to my stomach. I decided to call his friend K to see if there was any information that he could give me as to why V would be behaving like this. K asked me if I wanted to talk over dinner at this Italian restaurant. I agreed and he picked me up later that evening and off we went to dinner.

K was really a sweet guy. He was dressed very nicely and wore a wonderful smelling cologne. We had some wine with dinner and I got tipsy. After dinner K asked me if I wanted to hang at his place for a little while. I was up for hanging out. At least it kept my mind off of V. K and I sat on the couch and watched TV. I was completely relaxed until his phone rang. It was V. He told K that he knew that I was there with him and he was pissed. If I remember correctly, a friend of V’s even came by the house to see what was going on between K and I. We didn’t let the guy in. It was so strange. I told K that maybe I should go back to my place because I didn’t want to stir up any kind of shit between he and V by me being at his house. K didn’t want me to leave. He finally gave in and told me what V had done on my second trip out to NY. Apparently this nasty chick that was friends with V and K came by K’s one night and V came over as well. I guess they had been drinking and this unattractive beast gave V a blow job. I was floored! I so easily could have hooked up with many guys in NY if I wanted to. I didn’t because V and I were supposed to have been dating. I felt like such an idiot. K asked if I wanted to spend the night. I said yes and told him that I was not going to have sex with him. Inside I still had feelings for V even though his actions were completely fucked up. I went into the master bedroom with K and we went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up, reached over to K and started kissing him. Before I knew it I was on top of him having sex. No regrets! I felt liberated. Who the hell did V think he was pulling that shit on me? K and I even made plans for that same night after he got off  from work. I was going to have fun and be happy.

Later that same day K picked me up, we ate some dinner and then we were off to a night club. In the car K asked me if I wanted to take some X  (exctasy) with him. I said yes and we took it inside of this popular night club at the time called ‘The Shark Club’ at the downstairs bar. The X kicked in about 20 minutes after I took it. At first I got all shaky and panicky and told K that I was scared. He reassured me that I would be fine and to just give it another 10 minutes to really kick in and make me mellow. K was dead on. An orgasmic wave came over my entire body. I did not have a care in the world. K and I moved upstairs (with the way I felt it was more like floating up the stairs) and we took over a leather couch. We kissed and touched each other’s faces, arms and hair. My sense of touch never felt so strong. I was so incredibly into K. We stayed on that couch for hours. As K and I were going down the stairs to leave we saw V walking towards us. We ducked and went around him. I was so over V.

That was the second night in a row that I slept over K’s house. We had such a great time together that before I knew it I was sleeping at K’s every night. K asked me to move in with him and so I did. I was still working at Cheetah’s. K didn’t like that to much. He would get up really early to go to work and I would come home a few hours before he would wake up for work. He owned his own business and was very hands on with his work. There would be many nights that I would call into work to say that I was not coming in. The owner  of the club was my friend so he was pretty cool about me skipping work. Going to work wasn’t fun anymore. I had more fun being around K.

I called into work one afternoon to say that I wasn’t coming in because I had serious menstral cramps. I laid on the couch most of the day in curled into a ball and in so much pain. K came home from work at around 5pm that evening. He wanted to take me to dinner. I was feeling so crappy and didn’t feel like going anywhere. He was so pushy about it. I was such an emotional wreck that I broke down and started crying. I  was in pain, felt ugly and gross and didn’t want to leave the house. K then said we could go some place casual to eat but first he needed to stop by one of his jobs. I was so bitchy towards him. I finally gave in. We got into his corvette and headed out to his jobsite. While in the car I started crying again. K seemed nervous. We were only a few blocks from the house. He stopped the car and handed me a little black box. I gave him a puzzled look and opened the box. It was a 1 carat diamond engagement ring. I started crying again and then I felt like a complete asshole for being so bitchy. K’s original plan to ask me to marry him was by taking me to a really nice dinner and having my ring put in a glass of champagne and when we would toast I would see the engagement ring. I ruined his sweet plan. I said yes to his proposal and then called my parents, my sister and my  new best friend Jade. K and I even drove over to Jade’s to show her my ring. I was so surprised and so excited. We planned to have our wedding  take place 11 months later. At that point K said that I should quit my job at Cheetah’s and take care of stuff around the house and plan our wedding. I went to Cheetah’s for my final hoorah  and had shots with Jade. I was so drunk that I could barely make it on stage to dance so I crawled onto the stage and rolled around like a complete drunken idiot. Jade couldn’t help but laugh at me. Shit, I would have laughed at me too.

I immediately started planning our wedding. K and I were both catholic and thought it would be nice (especially for our parents) if we got married in the catholic church. We both had made all of our sacraments and were able to be married in the church. We had to take marriage preparation classes for over a month before we could get married in church. The classes were at night and this was a little tough for K because he had to be be awake for work at 5~5:30 am. There were a couple of times that K would start dozing off in class. I’d have to nudge him to wake him up. The class was pretty small. Maybe 7 couples or so. The class was to help you really get to know and understand your partner better and to get you prepared for your life long marriage together with the guidance of God. I think that God was absent for our class as well as for our life long commitment together.

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Helping Charlie Escape from the Hospital

So I spoke with Charlie on the phone and he was still up in Big Bear California finishing up his latest movie ~ I believe it was called the 5 Deuces or something like that. He wasn’t feeling that great, in fact he had a lot of pain on his foot and ankle. I thought it would be a good idea if I came up to Big bear to see him and kind of comfort him if I could. I called his assistant  ‘Z’ and he arranged a Limo to pick me up and take me to see Charlie.

When I got to Charlie’s room (he was staying in a  large beautiful house that was rented for the production) I found Charlie sitting under a desk in a bit of a panic. He thought that maybe he had the gout. I was thinking that maybe he had partied to much and twisted his ankle. I took a closer look at his very swollen ankle and foot and noticed what seemed to be a spider bite. His foot was very swollen and there was some redness. Charlie had been scratching the area where the redness was so I couldn’t tell if there were bite marks on him. Now I’m not a doctor but his foot wasn’t looking too good and my thoughts were that he seek medical attention right away. My gut told me that it was a black widow spider bite. After about 2 hours he finally came out from under the desk. He was in much pain and he was limping.

Charlie was not his usual silly and fun self. He would make me laugh for hours and tell me really neat stories and explain what each of his tattoo’s meant even though I had heard him tell those same exact stories several times before. We would drink grape soda with vodka and play air band to one of his favorite bands ‘The Knack’. He would put the music on his Bose CD deck and he would play air guitar and I would lip sync the lyrics (with a hair brush in my hand)  to ‘My Sharona’. After finishing up our ‘Knack’ session, we would then go into another favorite band of his ‘Styx’ and one of their hit songs ‘Too Much Time on My Hands’. Sometimes we would play air band to most of the songs on that CD, but this day was completely different. This wasn’t  the typical Charlie who had a carefree attitude. He just  would go back under his desk and curl up in a ball and fall asleep. Throughout the night he would occasionally get on his computer to look at hot chicks. He enjoyed looking at different websites of porn stars and playmates. He seemed to love blonde women with big boobs. At the time I completely fit that description. My hair was bleached blonde and I was packing 34DD boobs in my shirt. My boobs were so big and firm that I never wore a bra. Talk about ‘missle tits’!  Anyway, I would begin chatting it up with Charlie after his cat naps and then he would come out of hiding. I would scratch his back to keep him calm and the pain would once again kick in and he would get reclusive and go right back under that desk. I was a little freaked out by his behavior. This was the first time I had seen him act like this. But being that I am a comforting type of a person I just sat on the floor with him and tried my best to keep him at ease. It was hard trying to keep him from getting  paranoid and thinking that he may have to walk with a limp for the rest of his life.

Early the next morning I had to take off to go to Las Vegas to visit my sister. Being tired of dealing with the pain, Charlie decided to go to the hospital to get his foot checked out. His foot became more swollen and he had so much trouble walking. He was so convinced that he had the gout that he was concerned about his career and how having the gout would affect him. He was scared. I was scared for him.

From the road  to Vegas I called Z to see how Charlie was doing. Z told me that Charlie was doing better being in the hospital. He had proper medical attention and really good meds . Charlie’s biggest fear for being admitted to the hospital was put to rest when he found out that he did not  have gout. If I can remember correctly, I believe the doctors had thought that he was bitten by an insect. That was really good news. On my drive I called 1-800-flowers and ordered a dozen yellow roses to be delivered to his hospital room. I really cared about Charlie. He was a good man with a big heart  that was misunderstood by the public. Yes, he enjoyed his romps with porn stars, escorts and playmates and dabbled with drugs and alcohol. MANY  high profile celebrities live this lifestyle. Charlie was at least honest about it. That’s one the biggest problems with this world that we live in ~ judging others. If you were to meet Charlie you’d really like him and get a good laugh from his stories and even want to hang out with him again. It really disgusts me when people assume that a celebrity is a horrible person because they live a ‘different’ type of a lifestyle other than the ‘normal’ lifestyle of most people.

I got to my sister’s house in Las Vegas and couldn’t stop thinking of Charlie. I felt so horribly for him even though he was in great care.. I stayed a couple of days in Vegas and  then headed back to LA. On my way home I went to visit Charlie in the hospital. He physically looked better and was in good spirits. You could just tell by their demeanor that  the hospital staff really enjoyed having him around. He was back to the witty and funny guy that I originally met. He was very thankful for the flowers that I had sent him too. Of course that made me feel good that he appreciated my nice thought.  Upon my visit, Charlie got word that his father was going to have him arrested from his hospital room for his abusive drug habit. His dad was very worried about his son and thought that the best thing for him to do was to have Charlie put into rehab. Charlie was having none of it.  He was freaking out. So Charlie made a plan to leave the hospital before his dad could get to him. It all happened so fast.  Charlie had himself checked out early and what  I mostly remember is rushing out to the parking garage and Charlie being wheeled out to the parking garage  in a wheelchair by a nurse  . I was a nervous wreck. What if Martin arrived before or as we were leaving the hospital? Then what? Would there be a big confrontation between Charlie, his dad and the police? We had to get the hell out of that hospital parking garage!

Z ran to get his suv while I ran through the parking garage to get mine. Charlie went with Z and I followed them back to Charlie’s condo. I was a little fearful that maybe his dad found out that Charlie had left the hospital and that the police would be waiting outside the beautiful condo complex. Thankfully there was no sign of the police or Charlie’s dad for that matter.  It was such a rush and after we were in the condo we couldn’t help but laugh at all the craziness that took place. Charlie was happy to be home and to be getting some rest in his own bed before heading back to Big Bear to finish shooting.

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The Heiney Boy Story

Growing up Catholic meant that your parents would have to choose godparents for the kids. One of the responsibilities of being a godparent was that if both of your parents were to pass away and there were no other family to take care of you your god parents would step in and be your legal guardian.

I had the BEST god parents EVER! My godfather worked on Wall Street with my dad. We were so close to my godparents that we called them Aunt and Uncle and their kids we called our cousins. At the time my godparents had 5 kids. Two of them were closer to my and my sisters age.The oldest of those two was ‘K’ and the youngest was ‘C’. I was the oldest out of our kid ‘click’ by a month or two. There were 3 older boys who rarely hung out with us. We were just the little kids to them. I loved everything about my godparents and their kids growing up. Especially my godmother. She was so pretty (she reminded me of Olivia Newton John and I LOVED Olivia Newton John, heck I wanted to be Olivia Newton John when I grew up) with a soft spoken voice and her hand writing was the prettiest hand writing that I’d ever seen. My god mother was the one who inspired me to have such beautiful penmanship. I take much pride in my signature today.

Both of our families spent a lot of time together. My godparents had a really nice house in the Pocono Mountains in Pennslyvania . The lake was in their backyard so we would play in the lake and we would pick wild blueberries and mint leaves on their property. What a beautiful place to get to visit every couple of months out of the year on the weekends. Back then (in the mid to late 70’s) our parents gave us much more freedom to roam around the woods as long as we stayed in our little click. In the afternoon we would play wiffle ball and kick ball on the grassy hill in front of the house and beg our parents for pocket change to go to this store called ‘The Chipmunk’ that had all kinds of candy. We would take our group of four and walk to ‘The Chipmunk’ get our candy (I usually got ‘Bottle Caps’ candy~ root beer was my favorite flavor) and then we would walk over to the park and play on the swings and spin each other around on this round wheel shaped platform thing with handles on it. We would spin around till we just about puked. This is what we would do in the spring, summer and early fall. Winter was a whole different story. If we weren’t ice skating on the frozen lake we would get all bundled up in our snow suits and walk with our plastic sleds to this really high mountain. We would climb this big mountain (which looking back now was probably a really big hill) and then get on our sleds and zoom on down. This didn’t last to long because we would get tired of the climb up.

Night time was just as fun. We would hide in the woods and play flashlight tag. We had to stay close to the house though. There were bears in the woods and our parents probably wouldn’t want any of their kids to be eaten alive. The parents would then call us in for dinner. After dinner we would go upstairs to the loft were all the kids slept. There were two bed rooms downstairs (that’s were our parents slept), one bathroom, an eat in kitchen, living room and an enclosed porch on the back of the house. In our sleeping quarters we would push the beds out of the way and make up a play for our families to watch. The suffering our parents must have gone through while watching us perform in the play ‘Pay the Bill’. I played a single mother who was raising two children (my sister and ‘C’) and ‘K’ was the bill collector who would knock on the invisible door and as soon as I would open the invisible door he would say “Pay the Bill’ and hand me a piece of paper with some writing on it. I would then tell him that I had no money and would pay the bill next week. Our parents had a hard time not talking amongst themselves while we were trying to perform. We would always hush them but they couldn’t keep from talking and every once in a while one of our parents would yell out “pay the bill”. That made us laugh. ‘Pay the Bill’ was performed every time we went to the Pocono’s.Years later my brother was old enough to participate and so were my other two cousins ‘L’ and ‘P’. My godparents ended up with 7 kids total. ‘Pay the bill’ would always be a hit ~ yeah right.

After our parents put us to bed and then finally went to bed themselves ‘K’ would sneak downstairs and grab a box of Fruity Pebbles breakfast cereal. My sister wasn’t a fan of the Fruity Pebbles so if there were Chocolate Pebbles cereal ‘K’ would grab that box too. We would all fit ourselves into one bed and start snacking. After the snacking ‘K’ would tell us a story that I still tell today to my sister’s kids. This story was called ‘The Heiney Boy Story’. If you think the title is nutty, wait till you hear the story. I still remember it  like it was told to me yesterday. This is the way it was told to us by ‘K’ and I am going to write it as it was told. Bring yourself back to an early age so that you can appreciate this story, otherwise you’ll think that I’ve lost my mind.

Once upon a time there was this boy named Johnny. His mother called him and he came down the stairs and said “yes mother what do you want?” “I need you to go to the store and buy us some meat for dinner” his mother said. “Okay” said Johnny. So his mother gave him some money and sent him to get some meat.

Johnny walked into the butcher shop and the butcher said, “Hello Johnny what can I do for you?”. Johnny said, “we need some meat”. “Oh I’m sorry Johnny,” the butcher said, “we ran out of meat today”. “Oh no”, Johnny said and the he came up with this great idea. “Can I borrow your knife and some of that wrapping paper?”. “Sure,” said the butcher and he handed Johnny the knife.

Johnny went around to the back of the store, pulled down his pants and cut off one side of his heiney. Then he wrapped it up and cleaned off the knife and gave it back to the butcher. Johnny went home and brought home the ‘meat’ to his mother. She cooked it and said, “this is really good meat”.

The next day Johnny’s mother called him down the stairs again and asked him to go to the store and get some more meat. His mother gave him money and Johnny went to the butcher shop.

“Hello Johnny, what can I do for you?” the butcher asked. “Do you have any meat today?” asked Johnny. The butcher said, “no I’m sorry, we still don’t have any meat Johnny”. Johnny thought about it and just like the day before he asked the butcher for his knife and some wrapping paper. Johnny went around the back of the butcher shop, pulled down his pants and cut off the other side of his heiney. He washed the knife and gave it back to the butcher. Then he walked home and brought his mom the meat and she cooked it for dinner.

Now it’s the first day of school. The kids are running around the classroom and then the bell rings. The teacher tells all the kids to sit down in their seats. Everyone sits down except for Johnny. The teacher looks at Johnny and says, “Johnny why aren’t you sitting down?” Johnny says, “I can’t sit down”. The teacher says, “well you better sit down”. Johnny says, “but I can’t sit down”. The teacher gets really mad and says, “if you don’t sit down Johnny I’m going to pull your pants down and spank your heiney!” Johnny says, “but I can’t sit down!” And then the teacher walks over to Johnny, bends him over her knee and pulls down his pants. “What happened to your hieney?” the teacher asks. ‘We ate it for dinner” Johnny says. The end.

For years upon years ‘K’  would have to tell us that same story because we loved to hear it and every time he told us that story we would laugh uncontrollably. You see, back then we had to make up silly stories and games to entertain ourselves not like today where all kids have to do to be entertained is get on a computer or a Gameboy and play video games. We didn’t have that back then.

Who would of thought that I went from hearing a silly made up story about a boy who cuts off his heiney and eats it for dinner to having a man’s heiney spread open with a ball gag in his mouth waiting for me to strap one on and give it to him.

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Spider Bite

Fast forward to the late 90’s when I was in a big feature porn movie for Wicked Pictures. This particular movie was directed by Jonathan Morgan who was talent (we call actors/actresses ‘talent’ in the bizz) years before he became a well known director for Wicked. In fact I can remember many  times when John would ask me to have him hired to be in the movies that I was in as my ‘ sex partner’. He was in my top 5 list of guys that I enjoyed and felt comfortable working with. Just so I am clear here, when a girl gets in the business it does NOT mean that she has to work everyone who is in the business. We have Yes and No lists for the talent that we like to work with and the talent that we will not work with wether it be male talent or female talent. It’s about choices. After all it is our body and our mind (believe it or not) and we should feel warm and fuzzy with whom we work with. So needless to say, I worked with Jonathan quite often. He was easy to work with and was very respectful to me before and after our scenes together. It was a no brainer that when John had gone over to Wicked and asked me to play a supporting role to their contract girl  at the time  (her name was Serenity) that I take the job. This was a sequel to a movie that won awards at the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards the year before.

In one of the scenes  of the movie my character was a southern belle that was a prostitute (imagine that). I was very well prepared with my dialogue and even threw in a southern accent (yes, even porn stars have ‘real’ dialogue other than ‘oh yeah, oh yeah’ ). My sex partner was none other than the legendary Randy Spears. This was my first time working with Randy one on one. We had worked together for a ‘few strokes’ in an orgy movie. Hehehehe that was pretty funny if I do say so myself. Anyway, it can be a little nerve wrecking when you are working with some one who is new talent to you and with a big crew all around the set and the press taking pics and writing articles for an on the set piece. But I kept my wits about me and got into my character and discussed the positions with Randy that he and I were going to do before we shot the scene. This is common that us performers discuss what positions we plan on doing so that it makes both the talent understand what the other person likes to do or not to do and it  also makes it easier on the camera man to follow our lead without having to cut to much.

Randy and I go through our dialogue and begin to undress. And just like that we are having a great sex scene. Very intense. We get to the position where Randy has me in doggie (bent over and doing me from behind). I’m just talking a bunch of dirty talk (in my southern accent of course)  while Randy is pounding me wearing a cowboy hat and smoking a cigarette. We were pounding for a little while when all of a sudden I feel this sharp pain in my butt hole. It felt like a spider somehow got into my booty hole and bit me. The pain grew worse over the next couple of seconds. I couldn’t take it any more. I start mumbling ’spider bite’  and then ‘oh my god it hurts so bad’. I look up at John and the entire crew and they are laughing. I was in shock. Why would the entire crew be laughing at me? I’m in serious pain! Unbeknownst to me, Randy’s cherry from his cigarette  fell into my butt hole and rather than say anything to stop the scene and tell me about it, Randy began to blow the HOT ash out of my butt. Well guess what? Blowing the tiny fireball  only made it get hotter leaving me with burn blisters on my anus. It seriously felt like I had gotten bitten by a poisonous spider. It burned like crazy. I didn’t know wether to laugh or cry it was so painful yet it was comical at the same time. I felt like such an idiot mumbling out ’spider bite’. Being that I am such a trooper I finished the scene. All that hot ash in my ass must have paid off because I was nominated for Best Supporting Actress for the movie. No, I did not win an AVN award but it was great being nominated and I did receive a super cool leather bomber jacket with the movie title ‘The Bride of Double Feature’ on it.

Safety note ~ when doing someone from behind DO NOT smoke a cigarette to avoid painful butt hole burns . If there aren’t any cigarettes involved and you endure the same pain that I had experienced,  make sure that you check for spiders!!!!

That was the last Jonathan Morgan set that I worked on. Not because of the spider bite incident, but because on that same set a day later I wanted to ask John a question with regards to continuity of my characters outfit. John was stressed out. That’s understandable, after all he was filming a really big production. Instead of John just asking me to hold my question for a second he put up his hand to my face and said “Not now! I’m busy’”. I don’t care who you are or who you think you are, that is just plain disrespectful. I was in shock and kept my mouth shut. Normally I wouldn’t have asked John to talk to me about my wardrobe but there wasn’t a wardrobe department and another one of my big dialogue sequences was the next scene up. I just went with my better judgement and went onto the set  in the wardrobe that I thought to be correct.

I think the final blow to me from John was at the CES (Consumer Electronics Convention~ the Adult Video section) convention when John walked by the booth that I was signing autographs at and said to me that I would be up for more AVN awards if I worked for him more often. Talk about an ego problem. Well I have been up for many awards since Jonathan told me that and I was even inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame which to me  is better than any award I could possibly receive from AVN. No feelings lost and no respect gained towards Jonathan.

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Growing Up

I must say that I was very fortunate growing up. My parents made sure that we lived in a great neighborhood on Long Island. We were your average middle class family but we were spoiled kids at the same time. I’m not saying that we were spoiled brats, but my parents pretty much got us what we wanted. We had house cleaning day every Saturday morning before we could go outside to play with our friends. I always opted for cleaning the bathroom and dusting the living room and dining room. That probably explains why to this day my house (especially my bathrooms) are spotless!  My sister helped  me with the dusting and she was usually on vacuum duty. My mom would play Elton John’s ‘Good by Yellow Brick Road’ album, Barry Manilow’s albums, Neil Diamond’s albums and her John Denver albums on the record player that was inside of a large piece of furniture with speakers. My mom was pretty hip with the ’style’ of that time . I was lucky that my mom every now and again (when I was a little older)  would let me play my Donna Summer’s album and my Queen ‘News of the World’ album. It made cleaning much more fun to be able to sing and dance while doing it. I own every  Barry Manilow CD and have seen him in concert because of cleaning the house. Every day my sister and I had to make our beds and after my brother was born we had to make his too. It wasn’t like we didn’t earn the things we wanted. We were all pretty good kids that were well mannered and respectful, especially to our elders.

Growing up on the East Coast  as a kid was awesome. I got to experience the change of seasons to the fullest. Fall was (and still is) my favorite time of the year. The crisp cool air, the color changing and smell of the leaves was so refreshing and beautiful.  I always looked forward to snow days when we got snowed in and didn’t have to go to school. My sister and I would get together with the neighborhood kids and build snow caves. We were smart kids and always followed our dad’s advice when he said not to eat the yellow snow . Spring was always nice because the air was perfect, not to cool and not to humid. Summer was a little buggy and very humid but we had the above the ground pool  with a large red wood deck that my father and my grandfather built. My parents  were cool enough to put up a spot light so that we could go night swimming. When we were old enough not to be watched while night swimming, my sister and I would jump off the deck, pull down our bathing suit bottoms, jump backwards and moon our friends who lived next door  when they watched us out of their bedroom window while we swam. On the East coast especially, there seems to be a bigger , what I call ‘family vibe’. Every Sunday was grandparents day where we spent time having dinner with the family and our grandparents. One Sunday we would have dinner with my mom’s parents and the next Sunday we would have dinner with my dad’s parents. This went on for YEARS. As a young kid it was boring sitting at the dining room table that was overloaded with all kinds of food and listening to our elders converse. Now I look back and wish that the family tradition that we started could continue. My sister and I would  fold the napkins and set the table. My least favorite thing to do for family dinner was asking each person what they wanted to drink and have to get their drinks ready. Usually it was drinks for just the kids because my family really enjoyed their beer and wine. After dinner us kids would clear the table and my mom and grandmother would bring out dessert, tea and coffee. It looked like something that you would see on an episode of ‘The Brady Bunch’. I know what you are thinking, ‘Geeze that’s pretty scary’ and looking back I wouldn’t change our ‘Brady Bunch’ type lifestyle for the world.

I do remember one time getting into trouble for listening to my uncle (he was 18 years younger than my mom so he was 5 years apart from my age) when he told me to put two cherry tomatoes inside my mouth and have one tomato go to on side  of my cheek and the other tomato on the other side of my cheek and then smash my hands on both my cheeks at the same time. Tomato ooze went shooting across the dinner table and landed in front of my uncle. The dining room went silent. I couldn’t stop laughing. Either could my sister or my uncle. I know that it must have been so hard for my parents not to just crack up. But they didn’t and I was excused from the table .

Though I was a good kid I had some serious issues. These issues consisted of me being afraid of EVERYTHING! For instance, let’s say that there was an electric fan in the house keeping the room cool. Well to be sure that my sister and I didn’t go over to the fan and put our fingers in the fan my parents had said that if we put our fingers in the fan that the fan blades would chop off our fingers. Needless to say, if there were a fan in the room I would throw a crying fit and have to leave the room. The fan, to me, was a giant mechanical monster ready to eat me up. My poor sister had to take baths with me for fears I had of going down the drain. My parents had to chase my little naked body (and me screaming bloody murder ) around the house to catch me to put me in the tub. I spent one summer mostly inside of the house for two reasons, one because we were told to stay away from the swimming pool filter (another mechanical monster) and the second reason was because of the bee’s that would fly around the grassy areas with little flower like weeds. In my eyes the bees were bigger than my parents and I was NOT going to let them sting me! My mom had to be very careful with how she explained things to me because even if it was something small that my parents wanted to keep us safe from, I turned it into a giant ordeal being completely scared with crying fits. To this day I am scared of bugs, especially bees . Today my poor husband  Gary has to deal with my obsessive behavior with bugs when we go on our hikes or when we are on location shooting. So it’s safe to say that this bug phobia has manifested over the past 35 years. Heck, there was this time on a porn set when I thought I was bitten by a spider in my butt hole. That’s a story for another time .

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The burning question : Who IS Tabitha Stevens?

Of course Tabitha Stevens is not my legal name and NO I did not get my ’stage name’ from the 70’s television show ‘Bewitched’. So you can safely tuck it away in your head that I am not the little girl from the famous TV show who grew up and started doing porn. You’d get a kick out of how many people assume that.

My birth name is Kelly Garrett. Ironic how that was the character name on another big television show from the 1970’s ‘Charlie’s Angels’ played by the beautiful Jacklyn Smith. February 16,1970 is my birth date and Westbury (Long Island) New York is where I grew up. Long Island is not the city. It’s in the suburbs. My story is a special one because I am adopted. Actually I was adopted before I was even born. How can that be you may think to yourself? Well here’s how it all happened. My biological mother was 19 years old and was planning on going to College. She was single and not ready to have a child so she opted for adoption. Now I do not know anything about my biological parents except for my mother’s last name. In the 70’s adoption records were what they call ’sealed’ so I have been unable to find out ANY information about my parents or even their health history (makes it easier when filling out medical history at the doctor’s office;)).

Onto my adopted parents. They are what I consider to be my real parents so when I talk about my ‘parents’  or my ‘mom’ or my ‘dad’, I am referring to them. My father worked on the floor of The American Stock Exchange and my mother worked as a secretary for a printing press company in Queens new York.  My parents were hard workers and wanted to start a family. For a little while my mom was trying to get pregnant. After many unsuccessful tries (I’m sure that they enjoyed trying) my mom went to her fertility doctor to see what she could do to become pregnant. She was taking fertility pills and nothing had seemed to work. The doctor brought up a suggestion for my mother and my father to ponder over. He had explained to my parents that he knew a young single woman who was expecting a child and was wanting to put the child up for adoption. My parents were up for it! The doctor had told my parents to hire an attorney  to set the adoption arrangements in order. The doctor would then deal with the attorney and the out of pocket cost for my parents were the attorney fee’s and my biological mother’s medical bills throughout her pregnancy. My parents had no interaction with my biological parents whatsoever. Everything was handled between the lawyer and the doctor.

On February 16,1970 my mom got a phone call at work from her attorney letting her know that she had a brand new healthy baby girl. Five days later her attorney brought me home to my family.  When I arrived home my parents threw me a giant party filled with family  members (and their close friends. I was a huge hit . It wasn’t until 18 months later that I was officially adopted.

What I find to be fascinating (and it is very common) is that a month after I was brought home from the hospital my mom became pregnant with my sister. My sister was born in mid December 1970. Something else that was interesting is that my mom, my sister  and I all have blonde hair and blue eyes. My dad had dark hair and green eyes. I doesn’t stop there though. Five years later my mom got pregnant again, this time with my brother. He too has blonde hair and blue/green eyes. My brother and I even share the same birthday of February 16th. This was not planned by my parents. I didn’t even look like I was adopted. When my sister and I were really young my mom would dress us up in matching outfits and people would think that my sister and I were twins. To this very day my mom will talk about how it was going into labor with me. I am HER child and I think she forgets that I didn’t actually come out of her womb. I was probably the easiest pregnancy that she had .

My parents never hid that fact that I was adopted. I knew all about it as I was growing up. It didn’t come as a shock to me even as a kid when my parents explained what the word adoption meant. My family was my family and they are the ONLY family I have ever known. In fact once and only once did my sister  ever say to me when we were around 9 years old and arguing in our dough boy (above the ground) swimming pool “I wish you were never adopted”. I cried so hard and my feelings were crushed. I told my dad and boy oh boy was he pissed! He immediately had my sister apologize to me, told her to NEVER say that again and sent her to her room. And never again was that said to me by my sister or my brother.

There was one thing that my biological mother did request for my parents do and that was I be raised Catholic. I was baptized in the Episcopal church and a few years later my parents  went over to the Catholic church. We went to church pretty much every Sunday. My sister and I attended Sunday school and as required by the Catholic church, both my sister and I took classes after school for years to compete our sacraments. This included Holy Communion, Penance and Confirmation. MANY years later I was married in the Catholic church. This was of course years before my porn career was even a thought. Nowadays I am afraid to step foot in the Catholic  church with the fear  that I might burst into flames from all of my ’sins’ that I am believed to have committed. Hehehehe I’m just joking.

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Get ready, here I come. You’ve seen me all over TV and in movies and now I’m about to ‘tell all’! I’m having a wild life and I’ve decided to forego a book and tell all right here on my official blog. So check back often as my provocative story unfolds…

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For MANY years now I have been thinking about writing a book. I have so many stories to tell. Ranging from VERY sexy to VERY fucked up! I have met (and even slept with~ shhhh don’t tell anyone) quite a few celebrities in my life, been married FOUR times (three times before the age of 30), owned a great money making business and lost it all and to top it off one of my ex husbands was an FBI informant (taking down BIG crime families and escort agencies) while we were married and I had NO idea!

I am going to blog my stories instead of writing a book. There are a few reasons why and I will get to that topic soon enough.

Besides all of the fun, sex, celebrity  interactions and even being a quazi celebrity myself, I want to let the world know all about the every day me. The  love and appreciation that I have for my husband and my family, my OCD with cleaning and my obsession with the number 3, my thoughts on depression because of my Body Dysmorphic Disorder and just my every day happenings and thoughts. After all, I am human too .

I would really like to hear other people’s feedback on my stories. Be truthful yet tactful. I will NOT tolerate rude or disgusting comments about my self or my friends, family, ect. that I write about. I will delete those types of comments.

Hmmmmm. What should be my first story?

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